The Friendor Dilemma
Your best friend loves to bake. Everyone complements her unique and delicious confectionary creations. You loved the cupcakes she made for your birthday. Now that you are engaged, she totally wants to make the cake for your wedding, but you have your heart set on this three-tier stained glass creation:
And you’re afraid you will wind up with this:
What do you do when your friend wants to be your vendor, or what wedding planner pro Allison Howard, calls the “friendor.”
When you start planning your wedding, your friends and family want to help and be a part of the process, and you should welcome their help and ideas. Planning a wedding can take up to 150 hours or more and you will need all the help you can get. But even if your friend is amazing at making cakes, or your aunt can prepare a Thanksgiving meal to feed an army, it is best to politely decline and avoid the friendor dilemma.
True vendors are professionals, with insurance, experience, and expertise. Tiered cakes are not easy to construct or transport. What are you going to do if the cake falls apart on the way to the reception? Food poisoning will leave your guests with bad memories. Does Aunt Martha have insurance in the event of salmonella contamination? Does your photog friend know how to shoot in all types of lighting?
But, how do you say no without hurting your loved-one’s feelings?
Instead of giving a flat-out No-Way-Jose, be honest and tell your friend that you had your heart set on a stained-glass cake that only this particular bakery can make. But you would love it if she could make the groom’s cake or the cupcakes for your attendant’s luncheon. If it’s Aunt Martha, remind her how much you love her green bean casserole, and you would be so honored if she could make a dish to go with the prime rib you are serving at your rehearsal dinner.
Ask amateur photographer friends if you can count on them to post your Instagram or Snapchat stories. Same with videographer buddies. Tell them how cool it will be if you can get your well-practiced, and choreographed First Dance on YouTube. Let them be your social media crew.
You don’t have to make enemies out of friends if they ask to be your friendors. Recognize their talents, remind how much you appreciate their offer to help, and then maybe give an alternative, but related job that won’t leave you worrying about a wedding-day disaster. Avoid the freindor dilemma and everyone will have a wonderful memory of your professionally planned day.